Merry Christmas Rhonda!

This year for Christmas we needed a new washer and dryer set, and so being the loving husband I am, I sat outside of Sears from 10PM until 4AM to be second in line to buy this lovely set! I figured that I made about $200 an hour to sit in line, based on how much I saved! They make laundry just a bit easier and faster, and we think we're going to need that in the years to come! Merry Christmas Rhonda:)
Oh, and the boys find the washer VERY interesting, can't you tell??

Carols and Candlelight!

Every year at church we have a special Christmas service on the Sunday evening before Christmas. The kids have been involved the past few years and always enjoy singing, being part of a nativity scene, and getting the gift from the church that they get each year. Enjoy the pics!

Merry Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas Eve to all! We always celebrate with gifts from the Bailey side of the family on this night, so that the kids are able to keep the gifts and the givers straight! It's fun and helps make the Christmas time stretch out a bit:) The boys loved their gifts, Eli his catapult, clothes, and legos, and Ezra his r/c shark car, clothes, and legos. Sol and Thad were very pleased with the money they got, adding to their savings for the 4-wheeler dad promised to buy them this spring if they save $100! In addition, they all got a zip line kit from all their aunts and uncles, which will be a blast (when I figure out where to set it up!) Enjoy the pictures, love from us to you all!

Happy Birthday Mom

So I haven't posted on here much recently, and today is a day that I wanted to make sure I leave a little note on here. I sometimes used this blog to commemorate special days/occasions, and today, December 13, is my mom's birthday. So happy birthday mom:) I hope wherever you are you can hear or feel or just know how much we miss you and how much we love you back here on earth. I'm sorry you didn't get to see 53 with us here, although I know you like it better where you are, and we can't wait to see you again.
The boys and I began reading the Chronicles of Narnia last Christmas, while up at my mom and dad's place, and just this past week we finished the last chapter of the last book. It was worth it, reading about their trip to Aslan's Land and all that was there, who they saw and such. Heroes of Narnia like Tumnas the fawn, and Reepicheep the mouse. The boys loved it for the conclusion to a story with so many characters they had fallen in love with; I loved it because it reminded me of heaven and where you are now. I love you mom, happy birthday.

Grandma Robes

Yesterday our boys had pajama day at CBS (Community Bible Study) and yes, I was so tempted to wear my PJ's and robe too. :-) The robes were a surprise waiting for them when they came down for breakfast and they have a story. They were supposed to be Christmas presents, both this year and last...

Grandma Bailey decided to make her grandbabies robes for Christmas last year. But after picking out fabric and cutting them all out and starting the big project of sewing 7 little robes, her sewing machine broke. SO, while we were there for Christmas she showed me the beginnings and then said she'd get them to us later. I knew that the boys would love them and I was excited that they would have such a special gift from Grandma. Unfortunately, they didn't quite get finished as her health was declining in her final months here on earth. So, Carrie and I took the robes home with the intent of finishing them for our kiddos--they must have their robes from Grandma we thought. Then this week I was thinking about if they would have already had their robes and if Grandma was still here we would have shared with her the picture and told her how excited they were to wear their "Grandma Robes" to CBS so I knew I had to sew like a madwoman to get them done in time. So they don't just look so very cute in their robes but they feel so very special in them because they know the love of the story behind them. We know that Grandma Bailey lived for moments like cuddling her grandbabies in soft fleece robes and we miss her dearly.

Getting the new house fixed up

This weekend I had an extra day off, so we decided it would be a good time to install our kitchen floor. We went with a cork floor because it's supposed to be really cushioning and good for the joints, which will be good for Rhonda because with 5 of us men to feed, she has her time in the kitchen pretty much planned for the next 15 years! All the boys helped with installing it and I put two coats of polycrylic on it yesterday, so it's nearing usability! We're excited to be one step closer to completing some of the major renovations we're doing to our new place! You'll have to come and visit soon and hang out with us!

Is Jesus God?

So yes, I work in a public school, and no, we're not supposed to bring up religious things at school, but somehow the four or five boys in my office got into a huge discussion about whether Jesus is God, or God's Son. It went something like this:
"Dude, Jesus and God is the same thing, dummy."
"No way, Jesus is God's son, how can he be God too!?"
"It's like ice and water, you know, when ice melts it's water."
At which point I mention that the Trinity is really a complex union of the Godhead, and that we can't be expected to truly understand it while here on earth. However, the conversation went on with some of my coworkers today, and one of them sent out a text asking the same question, is Jesus God, the son of God, or both.
Overwhelmingly the results came back "both." I still can't really explain it well to my students however...

Surprise Visit!

So my dad surprised us by calling on Friday and asking if he could come visit for the weekend! Of course, the answer was "please do!" and he flew in this morning, a big surprise for our boys! He was visiting a friend in Louisville, and realized he was pretty close, so it worked out pretty well:) We gave the tour of our new house, and hung out for awhile before heading bowling and then off to watch Ice Age 3. Would have watched Up, but it was sold out when we got there. We've been busy, so as you can tell our day ended with a tired grandpa, but we're sure glad he came! Included are some pictures of the main level of our not-yet-finished, and pretty messy house. Thanks for coming dad!

Grandpa and his boys at the bowling alley!

Don't you love Rhonda's new glasses? Make sure you tell her how good they look!

3 months

It's been three months today. I miss you every day.

Houses and Patrick Swayze

How do you not take a look at a posting with a title like that? We're busy settling into our new house, currently trying to get everything clean, like windows, screens, etc. and hanging blinds - After we paint the bathrooms the upstairs of the house will be basically finished! And those new blinds Rhonda got yesterday are great, probably the easiest blinds I've hung ever! When we get our base trim ready we'll be that much more settled... Hopefully I'll get some pictures up soon to show where we're living to those of you far away!
Last fall, or winter maybe, Patrick Swayze did an interview with Barbara Walters about his battle with Pancreatic Cancer. I remember mom calling to tell us about it, and Rhonda and I watched it in St. Louis while she and dad watched it in Regina. Our conversations after focused on two things really - his desire to fight the disease, and a lack of apparent understanding of God. It made us both sad to hear him face such an immense challenge without God as his peace and comfort and strength. Perhaps he did have a relationship with Jesus and just didn't share it, I don't know, but I hope so. Pancreatic Cancer took his life a couple of days ago, and it made me sad to hear that news again...

New Floor!

So we have a new floor, or maybe I should say "almost have a new floor." Last night Bruce and Jake came over to help us get the floor started, and then today Bobby, a friend who works at another school, came to help out. After he left today we had about 3/4 of the floor done, lacking only 6 or so rows in the dining room/living room and 4 feet or so of hallway. It's coming together, and we're on pace to be able to move in next Saturday! We're pretty excited, the floor looks really nice and with more walls painted the entire house is starting to look more like a home...
Another friend, of whom I got no pictures since I was working inside, Kenny, came and cleared a bunch of brush (probably some poison ivy too, good thing he's not allergic) for us for several hours in the rain! The place looks a lot better and we're now able to get at more of the yard!
Thank God for good family and friends who've really helped us out during this needy time in our lives - we feel like we've been living off the compassion of others for the last few months! Moving Day is next Saturday, if you want to help!

Working on the new house (no idea why it's underlining everything like it's a link or something, bear with me...

We've been spending a lot of time at the new house, and last week one night Bruce came over to help us take out a wall and put a header in so that we could open up the dining room to the living room. It makes the house a lot nicer, gives us a more open feel which is great! I think it'll be great for entertaining and should be a plus as the boys get bigger too. I also moved a closet, or rather took one out that was cramping the entryway, and put a new one in (mostly). Have a bit more putting up drywall before I can start the mudding and taping, and we're also really hoping that we can put in the hardwood floor this week/Labor Day weekend. If we can accomplish all those things we'll look at hopefully moving in the following weekend. So the pics are of the new house, working on the new house, and the boys watching some Star Wars Clone Wars cartoons (Thanks Auntie Carrie!) when it was late and they were tired of working! There's also a shot in there of the painting crew that came to help us paint the upstairs, we got almost the entire upstairs painted in one day! After the carpet goes in on Monday we should be able to at least move beds in and start sleeping in the new house:)

Thanks Dad

My dad has his own email address now. It's his first email address, and I'm not sure he's going to do a lot of responding, but it's a way that I can tell him things in the medium that I'm most used to using, I do it everyday many times. You see, my mom was always the one to email me at work and tell me to have a good day, or just let me know that she was thinking of me. She always loved to keep in touch on the computer, as her facebook page full of friends attests to.
But my dad has been right there all the time, mostly in phone conversations since we live so far apart, and always checks in to give me the score on the recent Roughriders game or talk about the Cardinals with me. My dad, my two oldest boys, and I all went to a Cardinals game late in that fateful season when they went all the way, and it is a great memory we have together.
So you know the end of this post, mom is in heaven now and we can't have those emails or phone calls anymore. I miss her so much. But my dad is here, and even through his pain, which is huge and unbearable, he's now got an email account so that he can "pick up the slack." Thanks dad, I love you so much. Mom would be proud, even if you never learn to type!:)

Learning to be big

Just wanted to let you know what I (Rhonda) am consumed with right now...we are done with diapers these days at the Bailey "house" (yes, still homeless so we need those quotes). So now we just have a little boy pooping in underwear instead of diapers. Yes, it's gross but to those of you without kids, somehow it really is progress. :-) So our littlest man is learning to be big.

I'm thinking a family update is due because I keep talking to people that don't have any idea what we're doing (and we don't either half of the time). After a really crazy hard summer we are trying to get back into our groove. Dustin is back at work now and we are planning on homeschooling our boys this year starting after we settle in the new house. I can't deal with homeschooling and potty training while fixing up the house and moving in for sure. We are supposed to close on the 28th and are trying to move it up sooner so we can bestow our love and care on our foreclosure buy before moving in.:-)

If you think of us, pray for us. Like I said it has been a hard summer and there is a lot of adjustment and sadness still in our family for sure. Even through our hard times though we have had an amazing amount of blessing from God. That has been so encouraging to us both. I hope you all have had a great summer.

No Idea How To Title This

It's been a week and ten days since I said the final goodbye in this life to my mom. I don't want to dwell on it too much on here, this blog isn't meant to be my personal journal, and I know you all don't want to read that stuff anyway, but I wanted to mention something. A lot of people don't seem to know what to say to me about it. I know it makes a lot of people really uncomfortable, and they don't bring it up at all. I just want you to know that when people lose someone special and important to them, it's okay to bring it up and talk to them about it, or at least give them the opportunity to talk about it, even a little. I have gotten lots of "I'm sorry for your loss," and I appreciate those. Most of the time I say thanks and acknowledge that it was a hard summer for me, seldom do I say more. The people that get more are ones I can tell really want to know how I'm doing, and I'm okay with saying more. One of the hardest things is that I had this huge thing in my life happen this summer, and people don't ask about it. We're buying a house this fall, and everyone wants to know about that, but it pales in my mind compared to losing my mom.

I don't want this to make people feel guilty, just to let you in on how grief sometimes works, and let you know that it's okay to talk to someone who's lost someone special and acknowledge that it hurts. Don't shy away, and don't think you'll hurt me by bringing it up, I love my mom and I love talking about her, even though it hurts and I might cry. That's ok.

I will end this with a quote from a card I got from a good friend, who didn't know what to say but took the chance and it really meant a lot to me.
"Dustin, I have tried to think of the right thing to say about what you are going through and the reality is I have no idea. What I do know is that it hurts and you are missing one of the most wonderful people in the world. If you ever need to talk let me know. I've been praying for you and will continue to." Thanks Kevin.

Moving On...

At Drumheller-Royal Tyrell Dinosaur Museum

Fun at Calaway Park

A bunch of us after mom's service

Mom's coworkers did a cancer relay in her honor

It's so hard to move on. To leave Regina is going to be difficult, because this is the last trip that we'll ever make up here where mom was here too, at least for part of it. We came and she was here, tho not doing well, but in leaving I know that every other trip up here will be different. Already we've seen how different it is up here with mom gone, in so many ways life is just not as easy as it was when mom was here with us. She would organize our days, make plans for fun things to do with the kids, watch them at home so the adult kids could go to dinner and a movie, sit and drink coffee with us in the mornings even while entertaining a couple grandbabies at the same time. Even more than that we miss how she reminded us of what was important in life, of relationships and people, instead of upset over little differences and struggles we had. 5 grown kids, with 3 spouses and a boyfriend, all together, makes for lots of challenges. Then add in 7 grandbabies and life is just that much more challenging, but she always made sure it worked just fine when we were all together. It's been somewhat more stressful this time without her, but we're figuring things out. One of the things she said to me recently was that she'd put enough of herself into each of us that we'd know just what she would say in a situation, even when she isn't here with us.

We're leaving to go home on Monday morning. We'll drive to the Ozarks and stay a couple nights there, then leave on Friday and go to my in-laws place for the weekend. We have a lot of stuff there that we need to go through and determine what needs to be stored and what needs to be kept with us. Sunday sometime we'll go to Tom and Connie's place to "move in," which is where we'll be staying until we find a house. You can pray for that to happen soon, because while it's been good up here and will be good with Pflederers, our family needs our own place to live. We still haven't seen much that we've really liked online, so we're praying that we can come up with something soon.

I'll leave with a saying that each of us Bailey men has taken as a part of us, by Saint Julien of Norwich. "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well." Mom loved this quote and gave it to each of us when cancer first entered our lives, and we know she's well again now...

Living in the Past, Stuck in the Present, Longing for the Future

So the title about says it all for me these days. I often feel like I'm living in the past; memories flood back from times I spent with my mom, conversations we had, things we discussed. I have some vivid pictures in my head of what things were like even last Christmas, when God blessed us enough to make a trip to Regina work despite the cost of flights and huge blizzards we had to fly in between. I watched a video of Grandma and Grandpa singing the 12 days of Hermie Christmas with Eli and Ezra, and it was just 6 months ago, and everything seemed so normal and right. Things just don't feel right anymore.
Definitely feeling stuck in the present, this present that doesn't make sense but is still reality. I went for a walk with my dad last night, and we both talked about how much we miss mom and how different life feels and is now. He's really hurting, so if you think of it say a prayer for my dad, life just isn't fair and he's missing her so much. We want to be done with this time of hurting, but only done in the sense that mom's back with us, or we're with her.
Which brings me to the last place of my feelings right now - longing for the future. Dad and I also talked about how this isn't the way God intended life to be for us, the sickness, disease, loss, hurt, pain. We all long for the time when everything is made right again, and the place where mom is healthy again, and is living life fully, like God intended us all to be. We long to be with each other again and we long for the pain to stop, things that will only happen on the other side of heaven...

The time continues

The week has been mixed with good and hard times. The house hasn't gotten stucco'd yet, so there is a great big sandpile in the back where the kids have been having a great time playing.

My cousin Hollie and my Uncle Dan, mom's brother, took such good care of us while they were here. They came for a whole week, leaving just today, and spent everyday here at the house cooking, cleaning, watching the kids when we were all planning the funeral service, and just generally ministering to our bodies and hearts. It was a really sweet time for us, having family around and being able to relax without having to worry about food prep and cleaning and stuff.

Today we buried mom's ashes in the amazing urn that Darren, my sister Jenna's boyfriend, built for her. He made it out of purple heart wood, at mom's request, and put a Cala Lily that he cut out by hand on it, which was mom's favorite flower. This was another in a list of hard times we've had this week, but an important final step in honoring mom's life.

Boy has auntie Laurel become a huge favorite of Ezra's. He has just attached to her, giving her lots of hugs and kisses and just really loving to play with her. She's loved having him attach to her and they're having lots of fun playing together! In fact as I write this he's doing loops around the couch chanting "auntie Laurel!" while she tickles and plays with him:)

My uncle Dan was missing his twin 5 year old grandsons (Hollie's boys) but Eli was only too happy to fill in, and the two spent many hours talking about superhero's and reading books, memories that Eli will not soon forget!

So that's been the last few days. hard and also filled with some joyful times, which are bound to come as mom loved it when we all had a good time together and enjoyed each other. A good friend of mine from Denver, Rick Albu, sent me a verse that I have been pondering the last couple days from the book of Psalms. In 116:15, it says "precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints." I know that mom's death was something that was God cared about deeply, and I also take from this passage that God cares also about those who are left behind to mourn the loss. We're taking much strength from the prayers of family and friends who continue to lift us all up to the throne, thank you so much.

Some have asked what they can do for us, and to be honest, we don't have a lot of ideas. People up here have brought over food for us, which has been very helpful, especially as we feed the 17-18 of us each day. However, for those farther away we do greatly appreciate prayers, cards, and calls (email for contact info). Or you can have us over for dinner when we get home, as for now we continue to not have our eyes on any homes in particular! Thanks for all the caring and support, we've appreciated it a lot!

Life Continues

So I'm going to try to give you a bit more of the story of the last week or so. It is so clear when you hear even just Rhonda and my story, how God's hand has been all over this struggle for us, redeeming it in lots of little ways.

So we have been trying to find a new house to buy in St. Louis for awhile. We put ours on the market in I think April and found that God obviously wanted it to sell, because we sold it FSBO in 9 days! We started focusing on finding a house for our family, and were very close to buying two houses since then. One was a bit out of our price range but we REALLY liked it, so we were going to go ahead. However, had we bought it I would be stressed beyond belief right now, because I would have needed to work all summer to pay the taxes on it. The second house we actually even had a contract on it, but found that it needed like 17K of foundation work, so we backed out of that contract. A blessing, as we've thought back, because it was a serious fixer-upper, and I needed to be spending all summer working on it to get it ready to live in before I go back to work in late July. So just from a house perspective, we are free to be up here with my dad and siblings for a long time, which is really God's timing!

Last weekend, Friday I think, mom was still in the hospital, and Rhonda started saying "why don't we just go up there now?" She somehow knew we'd need to be up here sooner than the early July that we had originally planned on. So Rhonda's dad and brother said they'd come help us load as much as we could on Sunday, and then we got some extra help from church and just loaded up as much as we could on Sunday. We had a ton of help come and move almost all of our stuff on Sunday night, thanks to my mother and father in-law, Paul and Sharon, as well as Bruce and LynDelle and family, Dave and Nick and Jared, Tom and Connie, Mel, Peach and Rich, and that was just the relations that came! We also had a multitude of friends come, Nathan, Jeremy, Stan and Abby, Brooke and Phil, Rick, Steve, Andrew and Daniel, and probably more that my fried brain isn't remembering right now. It was just amazing, even moreso since we threw it together in a day basically! We got much of the house moved, and spent Monday during the day pakcing up more while another friend Mandy took the boys for us. We then realized that we were going to need to leave earlier than planned, and packed up our suitcases and stuff to get ready. We were just signing the paperwork to sell our house with Brooke when my sister Jenna and brother Garrett called and said we needed to fly up immediately. We knew that there was no way we could fly up and get in as early as we wanted, so we threw everything in the van that we thought we'd need and drove off at 6PM on Monday night.

A couple of notes here: We were not all the way moved out of our house by any means. The carport and the living room were still pretty full of stuff, not to mention the cleaning that needed to happen still. Paul and Sharon took over for us, with the help of other family, and moved out the rest of our stuff as well as cleaned our house for the new owners. That help was beyond amazing, and we felt fine just leaving the place without finishing knowing we were leaving it in good hands! You never realize how much people love you until you really see how far they're willing to go for you... Thanks everyone.

So we left at 6PM on Monday evening, and began what is typically a 24 hour drive for us. Small kids and all, we usually stop for a couple nights and extended meal breaks to make it doable for the kids. Rhonda and I don't have a good history of driving overnight, so we don't ever do it. This time tho, we didn't have any choice, and only stopped for dinner Monday night, gas, breakfast Tuesday morning, and more gas/bathrooms. God kept us safe through some crazy rainstorms, even with the worn out tires I didn't have time to replace, and kept the police away from us, even as I drove pretty fast, especially once we crossed the border and I knew that time was getting shorter.

21 hours later we arrived in Regina, unsure of whether mom would be able to even know we were there. We had been getting updates all through the night, listening to mom breath over the cell phones, and understanding that her time was very short. When we pulled into the parking lot there were tons of family, brothers and sisters, cousins, everyone waving us in. I barely put the car in park before I ran out and followed my brother Garrett through the hospital and up the stairs to mom's room. Never ran that fast in a hospital before! I got up there to a full room, and my mom lying in the bed in the middle of the room. Everyone in the room was telling her of my impending arrival for the past couple of hours, and when I came in they told her "Here's Duff, here's your son."

I went to my mom and just said "mom," and she raised her eyes, looked up at me and raised her arms to give me the most amazing hug, and last, hug I've ever had from my mom! It was like she was saving up her energy for me, to give me that goodbye, which all my other brothers and sister had also gotten. It was also the last time she responded that much as she slowly slipped away into Jesus' arms.

We all spent Tuesday at the hospital, and overnight. It was a really sweet time for our family, taking turns talking to mom, holding her hands and loving her. We sang to her, played the guitar for her, and read to her from one of her favorite books, The Shack. Amazing read, even if you don't have time for it, make the time. It's the book that my dad read to my mom while she was recovering from her first surgery last May/June 2008, and the one they bought for all of their kids to read after that time.

At about 1:30AM on Thursday morning, mom took her last breath and incredibly peacefully slipped into the arms of Jesus. We were almost finished reading The Shack to her, and after singing one last time to her, having Claude, her friend and pastor, pray over her and for us all, we read the last few pages to her and began to say our final goodbyes to her. We packed up our stuff and took one walk I'll never forget, a group of 15 or so of us out of the hospital and home at about 4:30AM on Thursday morning. You never forget times like that, the overwhelming feelings of complete hopelessness and loss. We got home and just wandered around until eventually we were able to collapse for awhile.

Since then we've been surrounded by friends and family, people hanging out with us and loving us, dropping off food enough to feed a small army, which we are when we're all together! The love of people from my folks' church has been amazing, and has given us such a boost, especially dad. The calls from friends and family have been such an encouragement, as well as the emails, postings on Facebook to all our pages, especially moms.

This has become something of a book, and if you didn't make it through it, I don't mind. I think I wrote it more for me than anyone else, though I'm glad to share it with you. While I feel like life in general sucks right now, it will get better. I'm still constantly thinking (excuse the honesty of my language) "what the hell is going on here?" I am also reminded of the amazing comfort of the Holy Spirit in my life, and my family's lives. My dad is struggling along with us, and we're doing our best to support each other through it all. Thanks again for all your prayers, notes, calls, and love for us, we cherish them all so much!

Nancy Bailey, 12-13-56 to 6-18-09

For those of you who know my family, I wanted to share that my mom, Nancy, left this world to be with Jesus early this morning after battling for just over a year with liver and pancreatic cancer. Our family was all here and we were all able to say our farewell's to her until we go to meet her one day. We appreciate your prayers for all of us, and especially my dad Joe, who has lost the love of his life.

Boxes, boxes everywhere!

Dustin is gone this weekend at the annual father-son campout with our church.  This year he was feeling very brave and decided to take Ezra too leaving me with, well, NO ONE to care for all weekend!  So, since we now have a house and have less than 3 weeks until moving day, I spent the day packing boxes.  My mom came over for the afternoon and we now have lots of piles of boxes like this one in various rooms of the house.  It will probably weird out the boys a bit but will hopefully make Dustin smile to see so much done.  :)

House

In case any of you are wondering or keeping track, we're on counteroffer #7 on what we hope will be our new house...  the saga continues!

My New Favorite Song

First, before you all leave comments about how behind I am in my music, I know already.  But I was listening to this song on the radio and liked it, and looked up the band's site and found the song with video.  After watching the video I have decided that this is my new favorite song, so I wanted to share it with you all.  You NEED to watch the entire video to get it tho, so check it out!  

"If Today Was Your Last Day"

The rest of the pics I was adding

This thing is giving me problems tonight, so here, hopefully, are the rest of the preschool graduation pics!