So the title about says it all for me these days. I often feel like I'm living in the past; memories flood back from times I spent with my mom, conversations we had, things we discussed. I have some vivid pictures in my head of what things were like even last Christmas, when God blessed us enough to make a trip to Regina work despite the cost of flights and huge blizzards we had to fly in between. I watched a video of Grandma and Grandpa singing the 12 days of Hermie Christmas with Eli and Ezra, and it was just 6 months ago, and everything seemed so normal and right. Things just don't feel right anymore.
Definitely feeling stuck in the present, this present that doesn't make sense but is still reality. I went for a walk with my dad last night, and we both talked about how much we miss mom and how different life feels and is now. He's really hurting, so if you think of it say a prayer for my dad, life just isn't fair and he's missing her so much. We want to be done with this time of hurting, but only done in the sense that mom's back with us, or we're with her.
Which brings me to the last place of my feelings right now - longing for the future. Dad and I also talked about how this isn't the way God intended life to be for us, the sickness, disease, loss, hurt, pain. We all long for the time when everything is made right again, and the place where mom is healthy again, and is living life fully, like God intended us all to be. We long to be with each other again and we long for the pain to stop, things that will only happen on the other side of heaven...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Well said. Will be praying for your dad and the rest of the family.
"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
-Revelations 21:1-6.
My heart is aching for all of you. I am praying, too.
I have postponed catching up on your blog until I was alone and had time to soak it in. I knew it would be emotional for me, and it was. We are weeping with you as you work through your grief. A couple of posts ago, you apologized that the story was so long, as if some readers might not be able to stay interested to finish the whole thing.... Well. I was thinking, when is the last time I have read anything so riveting as the tale of your last meeting with your mother? Thanks for the time you have spent and care you have taken to keep your loved ones in the loop of your thinking and emotions. We are looking forward to catching up with you in St Louis. Have a safe--and slower, perhaps--trip home. Tom
Post a Comment